THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
