don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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