I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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