i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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