i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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