a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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