This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
