I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
