I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
