Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
