I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
