1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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