Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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