Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
