Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
