Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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