They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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