She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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