I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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