i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
