My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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