Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
