make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
