Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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