so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
