Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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