Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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