After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
