hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
