Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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