Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
