do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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