I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
