This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
