Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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