i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
