Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
