He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize