doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
