Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
