Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm like, not good at living.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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