I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
