my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
