I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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