so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
