i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize