**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
