somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just want nice things and good sex
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
