the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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