So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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