I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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