I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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