Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
