Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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