haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize