He asked to "fluff my boner.."
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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