Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize