it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
