When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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