I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize