Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
