You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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