I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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