Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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