I'd wear matching sweaters with you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
